Does Anyone Have a Sharpie Please?

So let me start with a confession. Ryan and I are not as disciplined in spending time together before the Lord as we ought to be. BUT this has been weighing on both of our hearts lately and we are striving to be better about spending time together at night reading and praying together. It seems like that is supposed to be an assumed part of Christian marriages, but does it just come so easily for every one else? Are we the only couple that are so easily led astray by prime time television, the kids, tiredness, and whatever else clutters our busy lives? I think we often have felt guilty for not being better about making time for this crucial part of our marriage but we have been slow to take action to change it. Well now that we are both on the same page and trying to hold each other accountable to it, it has seemed to be coming along better. So this is the topic that we came upon last night in our time together and I was so very convicted by it and thought I would share my thoughts because it did open my eyes to my sinfulness, and who doesn't love that, right?

So here I go, exposing myself to you all! We are currently going through a little pamphlet called "Thirty One Days of Grace" A devotional by Dr. Paul Kooistra. I randomly pulled this off the book shelf, and it has actually been very good! So I am going to just quote him here as he puts it better than I know I could rephrase it myself...

He says-
"Most of us acknowledge that we have some sin in our lives, but we convince ourselves that we have more good than bad and that somehow the good is going to outweigh the bad. It wouldn't make any difference. The "good" is as bad as the bad. Isn't that what the Pharisee's teach us? Their "goodness" was self-righteousness. That's where we see the lost condition of man. We don't see it in the gutter. That is the result of being lost. We don't see it in prostitutes and drug dealers. That is the result. Instead we see it in the foolish assumption that I can be good enough to stand before God, to look Him in the eye, to come to His level."
(emphasis mine)

This just makes me realize I need a big old Sharpie to write across my forehead "PHARISEE".
We often sing Matt. 9:13 in one of my favorite songs-"I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." When I sing "not the righteous, not the righteous, sinners, Jesus came to call", I of course think that's right, I am a sinner,Lord! And I praise Him for dying on the cross for MY sins! But if I were to be honest with myself- I realize I am a sinner, but I think I'm a pretty good sinner! We are all sinners, but I have to be near the top of the totem pole right?! I mean, put me on the second level please! I could be a little better, but I could be much worse! I like to think of my sins as "minor infractions".

Dr. Kooistra says "The whole human race is trying to impress God." He nailed me on the head! I don't even realize it because I know that it is only by God's grace I have anything good in me, but I still have this part of me that thinks that He must be pretty happy with me- that maybe I have impressed Him with my goodness. How foolish of me! We read a passage along with this about humility and I told Ryan one of the most laughable and truly pitiful things is that I think many times I think of myself as humble!! Hmmm, that's doesn't seem right... I believe we call that a paradox!

Again, I am in full understanding of my human nature and the sinfulness that comes along with it. I know that I need the Savior and it's not that I am unable to recognize my sin, but deep down inside if I were to be completely honest and expose myself as the wretch I truly am, I would have to agree with Dr. Kooistra that my "'goodness" is my lostness".

There is also a quote in the devotional that says:
"Faith is the acknowledgement of the entire absence of all goodness in us, and the recognition of the cross as the substitute for all the want on our part. The whole work is His, not ours, from first to last."-Horatius Bonar

Well needless to say, after this devotional I felt like God took a 2x4 and wacked me off of my little pedastool I was so comfortable on. I guess the question I have to ask myself now, is what am I going to do about it!? I must start by viewing myself as a beggar... in desperate need of the Gospel.